I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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