i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
