awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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