My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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