im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
