I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Randomize