I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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