let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
