saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up