but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night