Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
