We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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