until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize