he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
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we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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