i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize