Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
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You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize