I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
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I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize