Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
