Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
