mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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