he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize