honey bunches of taint.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
