I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
whose parrot is this?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
