the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
