Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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