Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
im on a boat
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