I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
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My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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