3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
