We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
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So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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