He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
