dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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