I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
