I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
