I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He passed out mid-signature
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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