I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
