so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
