This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
