I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
