Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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