He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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