She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
