I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
