You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
