Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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