It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
