she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
