you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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