when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
