If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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