My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
