allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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