Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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