The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
