He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
