At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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