I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
