Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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