3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
