honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
