she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
